"Rest, You Don’t Have to Fix Everything" – Bolaji Ogunmola’s Advice to Firstborn Women

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Nollywood actress Bolaji Ogunmola has shared heartfelt advice targeted at firstborn daughters, warning them against the emotional trap of taking on a motherly role in romantic relationships. 

In a thought-provoking Instagram post, the screen star delved into how the responsibilities placed on eldest daughters growing up often unconsciously shape their expectations and behaviour in love.

According to Ogunmola, the tendency of firstborn daughters to become caregivers in their families is often carried into adulthood, where they overextend themselves in relationships believing they must fix, manage, or carry their partners.

“As a firstborn daughter, you are used to carrying, you think entering romantic relationships has to be the same,” she wrote. “Then you continue the cycle of never knowing what being at ease, being looked after feels like.”

The actress warned that such emotional over-functioning, though seen by many as strength or responsibility, can be toxic. 

It not only leads to burnout and imbalance in relationships but sets a damaging example for the next generation. “Your daughter sees you and also thinks that’s what the representation of love looks like!!!!” she added.

Ogunmola was clear in her message firstborn daughters are not obligated to be therapists, saviours, or mothers to their partners. “You are not his mother, and you don’t have to fix everything or everyone!!!! Rest,” she stated.

The post resonated deeply with many of her followers, particularly Nigerian women who have long experienced the silent pressure of being the eldest daughter in their homes. 

In Nigerian culture, it’s common for firstborn daughters to be expected to lead, sacrifice, and suppress their own needs for the good of the family. 

This expectation, as Bolaji explained, often follows them into relationships, where they feel they must give endlessly.

Fans quickly flooded her comments with praise for her boldness and truth. “You are right BJ,” one user commented. Another simply wrote “GBAM,” echoing the emotional weight behind the message.

Bolaji’s statement comes at a time when conversations around emotional labour, gender roles, and mental well-being are gaining momentum. 

Her words highlight a need for women, especially in African societies, to unlearn inherited patterns of self-sacrifice and choose healthier emotional boundaries.

It also brings attention to the importance of reciprocal love where women can feel supported, nurtured, and cared for without feeling guilty or burdensome. Ogunmola is reminding women that rest is not laziness, and needing love does not make them weak.

This is not the first time the actress has used her platform to speak on matters beyond entertainment. Known for her outspoken views, Bolaji Ogunmola continues to inspire a generation of women to embrace emotional honesty and personal growth.

In a world that often glorifies suffering as a form of loyalty or strength, Bolaji’s advice is a refreshing call for balance, ease, and emotional freedom. For firstborn daughters who’ve forgotten what it feels like to be cared for, her message is simple and powerful You are not his mother. You deserve to rest.

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