Is it really necessary to abandon your single friends once you get married?

Why cut off your single friends just because you’re married?

When it comes to marriage culture, there seems to be a lot of things that require change. Instant change, as a matter of fact.

Acquired habits such as a need to overspend to impress with weddings have repeatedly been spoken against. Of course, it is one thing to speak against something, whether or not any form of social change is being effected by this condemnation is another thing.

And while we wait for more people to come to accept the sensible option of having wedding ceremonies within their financial means, we might as well begin to tackle another marriage-related issue.

Apparently, it is a thing for married women to cut off their single friends once they become married. Two or more women could be besties for such a long time, sharing secrets, going out together, living their best lives, creating memories and building a memorable friendship out of those moments shared. The moment one of them gets married, it is not unusual for that person to cut off her friendship with the single women almost instantly.

Nkem Ikeke of Legit NG thinks this often happens due to paranoia that those friend[s] may want to take her man from her, that they are jealous of her or in other cases, because there’ll no longer be a common ground for them to operate on. Nkem adds that married women who dump their friends do it because upon marriage, their priorities switch from what their single friends have on the top of their to-do list.

Obviously, these are reasons that are not rooted in any form of sound principle. A little rattling and everything comes tumbling down. For example, the idea that a married woman would rather make friends with only married women because single friends would contrive to steal her man seems to ignore the reality men who want to cheat will do so with any woman they set their eyes on; married or not. If a friend is bent on ‘taking’ your man from you, her marital status may really not count for much.

The idea that priorities of women change when they get married also seems to further the narrative that married women are more responsible than single women. The problem with this is that it is a canopy statement, a harmful generalization that trivializes [and in some cases, completely disregards] the responsible choices that single women make out here day after day.

I could go on and on discrediting the reasons often cited in support of this married woman prejudice, but what’s more important at this point is to mention that when married women continually ostracize their single friends for no other reason other than their marital status, it is another passive form of pressuring people to date and marry.

When single people are cut out of friendships and meant to feel like outsiders in their own inner circle, obviously, it is another manifestation of how our society and its agents of socialization condition people to view marriage as an elevated form of existence, one that places you on a different level of respectability over and above people who may naturally not even feel like doing so in the nearest future – or ever at all.

Without digressing too far, I should add that I think there is nothing wrong people drifting apart over the years due to obvious and genuine differences in schedules, lifestyle and distance. That is an accepted part of life. To also cut off people who have shown shady characters and less-than-acceptable behaviours is also nothing to raise eyebrows over.

But to intentionally and maliciously move away from your friends for no other reason than their marital status and a sudden suspicion of their intentions is not really necessary, neither is it a sensible move.




In This Story: #WhyCutOffSingleFriends #Married

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