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For many young women, one of the most common questions from family members is, "When are you getting married?" While some parents ask out of love and concern, comedian Tomama believes there is a reason many of them continue putting that kind of pressure on their daughters.
According to her, parents can only react to what they know. If they are not aware of the emotional struggles, disappointments and heartbreak their daughters experience in relationships, they may naturally assume marriage is the next step.
Tomama said that has never been the case in her own family because she has made it a habit to keep her mother informed about what goes on in her relationships. Instead of suffering in silence, she talks about both the happy moments and the painful ones, allowing her mother to understand why she is in no hurry to settle down.
She explained that this openness has changed the way her mother looks at marriage, adding that rather than asking when she plans to bring a husband home, her mother is more concerned about her emotional well-being.
In her words:
“Ladies, the reason why your parents are stressing and disturbing you for marriage is because you don’t tell them what you go through in that relationship.
Una no dey tell them wetin una eyes dey see. Try dey talk, because me, I dey tell my mama everything. Yes. I’m not sure she will wake up one day and start disturbing me for husband, like I need to get married.
The last breakfast wey I chop, I called her and started crying while calling my boyfriend’s name. She asked, ‘What happened? He d!£?’ I say no. ‘He dey hospital?’ I say no. So why are you now crying? I told her everything, and she just said, ‘Eeeheeeh.’
Few weeks later, I wanted to go on a date. She said, no, rest and heal. I told her it was only a friendship date. She said, okay, but if it’s relationship, don’t involve yourself.
Anyone that comes into my life, I tell her. The only time I did not listen to her and I said yes, I came back crying.
So tell me, where will they have the time to be disturbing you about marriage after you’ve told them everything? They can see it and also experience it with you.
Who go like make him pikin dey cry? Them go dey tell you, ‘No rush oo, abeeg.’ Una go dey hide everything, dey cover everything.
In my family, they don’t have that mentality of, ‘When are you bringing husband?’ because they know everything, and we dey cry everything together.”
Tomama believes many parents are not intentionally trying to make life difficult for their daughters. In her view, they simply respond based on the information available to them. When daughters choose to hide painful experiences and only present the good side of their relationships, parents may mistakenly believe everything is going smoothly and continue asking about marriage.
She also pointed out that opening up to trusted family members can create understanding and emotional support during difficult moments. Instead of constantly asking about wedding plans, parents who know the reality of what their children are going through may become more patient and encourage them to heal before entering another relationship.
For Tomama, honest conversations at home can make a big difference. She says that when parents truly understand the emotional weight their daughters carry, the pressure to get married often gives way to compassion, patience and support.
#Tomama
#MarriagePressure
#Relationships #Family
#LoveAndLife
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