As you may have heard for the millionth time; love is not enough and those good feelings coursing through your body every time you see that man is not what will power you through a marriage with him.
There’s more to what goes on in a marriage than that. What this means, in essence, is to never be in a hurry to say yes to a glittering wedding band without knowing what needs to be known about the man offering it.
Here are major things to know about a man before agreeing to be his wife, and it’s really OK to ask for information on them if he does not offer the information himself:
What’s his take on gender roles in a marriage?
You want to know whether your man is one who believes in traditional marriage settings or believes in the more contemporary ideas of partnership or maybe he is somewhere in the middle.
Which is better than the other is not our concern in this piece; what we think women should always pay attention to is whether the man’s predisposition to this issue is one which matches yours; or if those ideas align and can ride side by side.
You don’t have to ask when he’s on his knees though, this is something you want to be sure of before the relationship even gets to the point when he seriously starts contemplating marriage with you.
How does he see financial responsibilities in a marriage?
How about financial responsibilities in a marriage? Would you be cool with a man who believes that partnership in a marriage is absolute, up to chores and finances?
Would he be bearing the lion share of all finances and you should be playing just a supportive role or would you both be actively pulling your weight when it comes to shelling out the money to meet family needs? Do you want your money to be your money and his money ‘our’ money?
It’s totally necessary to know where the man stands on financial issues in marriage and how in sync his money views are with yours.
You can’t expect to live with this person for the duration of your marriage without knowing their views towards family money and the bearing of family financial responsibilities.
What do you think about privacy and independence?
Richard Kim of Infidelity Recovery Institute has written the best opinion on the issue:
"Couples may also have different expectations as to what “privacy” means so this topic should be discussed too. Find out if password restrictions are allowed in some aspects of the relationship.
"Also, find out if your partner would love to maintain some independence or not. I guess you wouldn’t want to have someone who becomes emotionally dependent on you and wouldn’t do anything without your consent.
Just imagine having a partner who... wants to spend every single second with you so each time you request to hang out with your friends, he is like 'please don’t go.'
"Despite being married maintaining some personal space and some level of independence is very necessary."
How about conflict management?
Partners who can speak gently to each other rather than fly off the handle will be the most effective at sorting out typical disagreements over money, sex, and chores.
Couples who don't manage conflict effectively end up in destructive arguments, or they begin to avoid each other and the relationship goes stale.
Do you want kids?
Do not be deluded into thinking everyone wants one. Seems straightforward socially in these part but it really is not so. Not everyone wants kids.
I repeat: not everyone wants kids.
Don’t forget to ask how many they want if they do; and how soon they want to start making them. Also what are their child raising ideas? Ask o.
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