Timi Dakolo's wife, Busola opened a can of worms on Nigerian rape culture

Fatoyinbo continued to target Busola in the intervening months, organizing prayer sessions and specialized deliverance sessions with guest pastors to help ‘repair’ her ‘bondage’ and suggesting to her that the violence he had meted towards her was a problem they both had in common and needed communal deliverance.

Timi Dakolo's wife, Busola opened a can of worms on Nigerian rape culture

When the Uncle grazed her 13-year-old overgrown breasts, when the teacher made a snide comments at her pubescent curves, she kept mum. She felt ashamed! 

Rape has always been a sensitive issue, but what connotes 'rape' was always of watered down conceptualization in Nigeria. 

'Consent' begot silence and was nearly alien to a Nigerian mainstream that idolizes poisonous macho and toxic masculinity. Evils like shaming, coercion and tacit permission to rapists were shrouded in one big mound of patriarchy. 

In fact, the only anti-rape measure on the market was 'don't dress like this,' 'don't dress like that so you won't get raped.' Rapists were not being called to order. Rapists were not getting shamed unless they were caught ripping a girl's skirts to pieces. Reality was skewered and the rapist gained traction. 

Only recently did a lot of women realize that they were actually raped. Only recently did a lot of women understand the true concepts of consent, coercion, victim shaming, tacit permission to rapists and even sexual harassment. 

Only recently did a lot of men realize they were rapists at a time they thought 'No' meant, 'Toast me further, dear.'

Sadly, even now that MeToo, TimesUp and their many spin-offs have shed light on the topic of rape, the average woman still gets cat-called on the streets. Slut-shaming is still a reality and a woman is still measured by her 'morality' because a premium remains on sex that only 'slutty' women can have, while boys get tacit permission. 

Nonetheless, we have a major victory.

'WHO says 8 out of 10 women were raped/sexually harrassed/molested before they turned 18'

Calm down, that's not an accurate stat. But you must have seen something like that before. The cynicism in the average Nigerian man always makes him doubt those stats. Well, I am here to tell him that they are now more plausible than ever.

The problem is that the average woman - especially Nigerian - is trained to be someone's wife. So, the culture of speaking up was never really part of her fabric. 

When the Uncle grazed her 13-year-old overgrown breasts, when the teacher made a snide comments at her pubescent curves, when the boy on the streets catcalled her, and when she eventually got raped, she kept mum. For how society brought her up, she blames herself for not dressing 'well enough' to hide her God-given curves. She feels ashamed.

Until maybe 2010 when the fourth wave of feminism hit the Nigerian sub-culture, she never realized she lived in a messed up system. That's why she keeps quiet about her abuse, molestation, rape and harassment. That's why men never know.

Asides the fourth wave of feminism that hit Nigeria, major happenings like the TwitterMeToo, ArewaMeToo, and other events have helped. 

However, none will have a lasting effect like watching Bukola Dakolo, a professional and a mother finally narrate her ordeal at the hands of Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA). Her claim; he raped her twice. The first time, she was 17 and he was about to get married. 

This was not the first time Pastor Fatoyinbo would be embroiled in a melee he supposedly caused himself. The first known 'illicit affair' was with a certain Lawyer, Ese Walters, with whom he suposedly had a week-long affair which became public in 2013. 

On her time with the Pastor, Walters claimed, "Little did I know at the time that all of these were ways to mess with my mind and even manipulate my thoughts."

A few weeks earlier, a seemingly hurting Timi Dakolo sent out a not-so-hidden shot at the controversial Pastor. 

Ripple effect

For the first time, a lot of men now believe stats like, 'WHO says 7 out of 10 women were raped/sexually harrassed/molested before they turned 18.' Women have come out in numbers to give their various accounts. 

It is hard to see any woman you interact with not have an account of her rape, molestation or sexual harrassment. The worst part is that it was by someone they knew or trusted.

Since the issue became popular yesterday, Nigerian women have taken to Twitter to lighten their loads. Since most rape victims rarely talk about their terrible experience, the truth is, most women women who have been victims are not even talking. If the numbers are puzzling right now, imagine how it would be if all women shared.

If anyone deserves to be a hero, it is Busola Dakolo. Her courage has singlehandedly made a lot of women talk about their experiences. This validates those stats by bodies like the World Health Organization (WHO). Even men are talking.


Most women have in fact been raped. The part we have not been talking about is how most men are rapists for one reason or the other.

The culture of silence
With rape now attached to religion - a Nigerian symbol, most Nigerian Pastors and Churches continue to remain silent, members of COZA have become Wizkid FC and a terrible Pastor continues to roam the streets.

Yes, he has not been convicted. But guess what, where there is a spark, there's usually fire. He is not the most prominent Pastor in Nigeria.

Yet, his name continue to be shrouded in controversies related to illicit affairs and sexcapades.

You can figure the rest out for yourself.




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